Does my father want to go on a Norwegian Cruise? Does he want burial in Riverside Cemetery?

By Mitchell Slepian

The answer to does he want to take a Norwegian Cruise is one hundred percent, yes. Maybe even one million percent. As for the next questions, does he want to be buried in Riverside Cemetery in New Jersey, does he want FIOS, a new health care program or a hearing aid?

As for FIOS, not sure if it is offered in his area. But if it is, he might want it. Does he want burial in Riverside Cemetery? He does not. Sadly, he’s been buried in Mt. Hebron Cemetery since April 2014.

But everyday mail comes to my residence asking these questions. When he passed away, I had his mail forwarded to my address. I received his bills, magazines and junk mail from his Plant City, Fla. mailing address.

I was happy with the welcome to the community coupons from Bed, Bath and Beyond and other local businesses.

I get very little mail. Days can go by when there is nothing in my mailbox with my name on it. But my dad gets lots of mail.

The bigger culprits are the cruise lines. It hurts every time he gets their brochures. I know he would have been sailing. He loved cruises. He participated in every activity. He often won t-shirts, drinks, etc. from the cheesy games you can play with your shipmates.

As for the healthcare program being better than his current one, at this stage, I don’t think so. However, I called them and said, “I am calling on behalf of my dad. He’s older and asked me to field a few questions and then we’d decide.” The ever sweet woman on the phone told me to ask. I said, “Does it cover pre-existing conditions?” She said, “What?” I said, “He’s deceased.” She was aghast. After a few seconds of deafening silence, she apologized for the mailing and said she’d remove his name.

As for the cemetery, I did the same. I called them. I got a very pleasant woman well trained in talking with people who are preparing for their burials. We made some small talk at the beginning. I said what can you offer my dad better than where he has his plot? She read me the standard corporate line. I said “That’s nice. But he’s been buried in Mt. Hebron for over two years. What can you do better? And why are you sending this?” Again, the silence was deafening. Then she stuttered her way through saying she’d remove his name from the mailing list and hung up.

I didn’t bother calling the hearing aid company. I trust he’s listening to me when I speak to him and he hears me loud and clear.

Let’s face it we all get mail we don’t want or need. I get mail addressed to the people who lived in my apartment 15 years before I lived here. I toss it. But companies should really do their due diligence before they send their junk. So many of them talk of cost cutting. Just think of the postage and production costs they’d save if they did some quick research. Then they wouldn’t annoy people and may gain a customer or two.